the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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