I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
The adults are the big ones right?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
