Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
