Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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