none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
