A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
