if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
