I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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