if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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