I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
