do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
if only i could text you this smell
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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