Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Randomize
