Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
