umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
