Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
