HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
