You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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