My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
