No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
