3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
