do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
