It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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