he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
She even gives head with a lisp.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
