im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
