NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
