It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
