That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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