my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
