I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
