My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Randomize
