he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
