i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
