So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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