Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
