Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
