do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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