FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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