I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Alive.
So much puke
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
