I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
