My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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