I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
