You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
