I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
