wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
lets start a swedish sibling band together
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
