clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
