Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
