Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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