One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Randomize
