Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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