Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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