oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
