When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
