Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
