That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
