every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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