Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
