I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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