is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
