I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
