My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
